My Gram

This morning as I was showering Connor came running into the bathroom saying "look Mommy" as he showed me a book he had in his hands. I had to wipe off the glass door to see exactly what he was talking about. He was holding this book that my Grama use to read me when I was little. She gave it to me when I had Payton. It is titled "Little Pony". Its a pinkish-colored, semi-hard cover book that is very thin and the pages came unstapled from the cover but all of the pages are still in order and in tact. The book literally has 25 cents written on the front of it! Every time I read this book to either of my children, I preface it with the fact that my Grama use to read me this book when I was little. And, then, I'll read the book in the same "sing-songy" way that Grama read it to me (at least how I remember it anyhow). As most people reading this probably know, my Grama died this year.....in May. She and I were really close, like two peas in a pod when I was a little girl. I remember always worrying about her dying when I was little. I also remember telling her of my fear of her dying. She always had some kind of calming response for me....even though I don't remember the words, I remember her tone and her chuckle as though she was saying I was silly to even be thinking about something like that. Well, one of my worst fears came true this year....she died. Even though it is hard to forget about her diagnosis, her laying in that bed at Inn Conn as I had to walk out and say Good Bye to her knowing that was probably going to be the last time I saw her....I do not want that to ever outweigh my memories of her as my Grama. I remember telling my Gram, as she laid in the hospital bed, that I would be the same kind of Grama as her one day. I wanted her to know that that was a high standard I would strive to meet. When I was little, she would spend hours just watching my sisters and I dance, twirl baton, sing the "Copa Cabana", you name it......time was not an issue for my Gram. When I was older, she would take me out to eat so we could "talk".....never judging, just listening...sometimes giving advice. And, as I became a mom, she would do her "thing" with my kids....play with them, watch them, listen to them, spend time with them just so she could "soak in" every second possible. Because we live so far way, she never wanted to waste a single moment with her great grand kids. My Gram never even had to say the words "I Love You" because her every action let me know that she loved me and loved being with me. This is the kind of Grama I want be to for my grandchildren.